Hey ladies, summer’s just around the corner and you know what that means… SWIMSUIT SEASON. Well, maybe not quite around the corner, but let’s not lie to ourselves, you have put on a few pounds… Quite a few pounds. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. We all watched in horror as you devoured Nana’s special pumpkin pie like a hungry Ethiopian child… We just… Couldn’t… Look away… OHGAWD, JERRY’S HAVING FLASHBACKS AGAIN!!! Ah, I’m sure it’ll be okay. Hell, maybe this time they won’t press charges, hee hee ;P
Back on to the subject of your rolling hills of fat, I just bet that you’re simply dying to lose that holiday fluff, you sweet little chunk of lard, but no matter what method you think about using, they all include WORK! WTF!!!! You’re probably starved (get it, lol!) for an easy weight loss system that’ll fit into your busy schedule of scarfing down ho hos and bacon grease and give you a taste of the good life that will get you coming back for seconds! And probably thirds!
“Oh, you’ve found a way for me to shed these extra inches without regular exercise and proper diet? But how can that be???”
Well, chubbers, there’s an easy answer to that…
It can’t.
I can, however, get on google and figure out how many calories you burn while playing to your special talents: pooping and “self-love.” And based on that corpulent frame of yours, I bet your intestines are just bursting with pounds of chocolaty, fat-busting goodness!
So throw that melted butter aside and go for a ride on the calorie burnin’, stomach churnin’ express! Whoo whoo!
http://www.poopreport.com/Doctor/Knowledgebase/caloriespercrap.html
http://www.dailymuscle.com/2006/05/12/lets-talk-about-sex-and-calories/ (you can skip on down to masturbation)
Feel the burn!! Or is your herpes acting up again?…
